So tired of the world.

First, health update. Recovery going well, scabs over incisions are almost gone, but had a bit of a bladder scare. During the surgery, doc found some red splotches on my bladder, took pics and sent them to primary doc. She sent me to a urologist who shoved a camera up my urethra (not as terrifying as it sounds, thankfully), and no more red splotches. BUT, still have trace amounts of blood and protein in my urine, so I had a ct uroscopy (urogram? Like an mri) on Weds. Still waiting on results. Hopefully Dr Urbanc will call me tomorrow. Anyway, still tired after errands, but getting better. Still can't swim or take a bubble bath, but hopefully soon. Have another post op on Aug 14th.

The world. Ugh. Tired of covid. Tired of racial injustice. Tired of Trump and his cronies. Thought about escaping.. but no where to escape to. Americans aren't allowed to leave the country because Trump mishandled this pandemic so badly. Just trying to hang on for change, hopefully change for the better. Despite the Effexor, the depression is difficult. And because of the Effexor (and surgery recovery) can't even masturbate to escape mentally for a little while. Keep wanting to scream, I do not belong in this timeline!!!

Someone make it better. Please.

SUCCESS!

DISCLAIMER: Potential TMI ahead:



So I got my blood pressure low enough to have surgery on the first. NO MORE BLEEDING! Not a drop since the surgery. It amazes me HOW MUCH that did for my mental health. I haven't updated until now because I've been recovering. Laparoscopic hysterectomy surgery is no joke, it's considered major surgery, and I've never had major surgery before. I started with a Dilaudid in the morning and then one before bed (for a couple days) then went to just one before bed, and now I don't take them at all (last one was last Friday). I'm not in pain (well except a little when I sneeze or cough too hard), the biggest after effect right now is that I get tired reeeeeally easily, but even that is getting better. And it's only been 12 days. Recovery time is estimated for 4-6 weeks. I have my post-op appointment tomorrow to evaluate my recovery progress and for recommendations going forward. I still can't lift anything (over 10lbs anyway) and probably can't go swimming for a little while yet, but overall I think I'm doing really well. I can drive again, so I'll be driving myself to my appointment. SO EXCITED to see what the doc has to say. My only concerns really are 1. my bladder has been a bit shy. I mean, I pee, but its more of a long trickle than a short burst. 2. I am back to being regular as far as poops, but I kinda get scared whenever I have to go like I'm going to mess something up in my insides if I strain too hard. Hopefully, the doc can address these issues and reassure me.
Dr. Oscar Polo has been amazing, I highly recommend him. Oregon Clinic Gynecological, inside Providence Medical Building. He is very kind and patient and explains everything very well.
The hardest part of my recovery is staying in bed doing nothing. I mean, wth, it's a pandemic, the only difference is I'm in bed instead of at my desk, why is it so hard? Maybe Quarantine fatigue + recovery makes it harder. As I'm feeling better, I wanna go DO STUFF, but...pandemic. Bleh. So I settle for running errands in my immediate neighborhood (groceries, dispensary, Plaid) when I need to get out of the house.
Ok, well, it's shower day, I should get going. My first shower after getting out of the hospital wore me out SO MUCH I had to lie down after. Subsequent showers have been much better.
But I haven't been able to do laundry because I can't lift the laundry basket. Chloe has been super helpful in a lot of ways, but unfortunately, that's not one of them. :(  Ah well. Soon I hope.