Day 9...and counting

 Still counting because I'm still craving. I'm starting to think the herbal cigarettes were a better quit method than the patch. All I know is I still want to smoke. Still not. But still want to. I think I feel resentful about having to quit. Resentful of the tobacco industry for making them so addictive. Resentful society says I have to quit. Resentful that my health says I have to quit. I enjoyed smoking. It wasn't *just* the nicotine saying that.  GRRR ARGH... Maybe I do have a nicotine goblin in my head.

In other news, I booked Bolivia Carmichaels for the Snug's Pride event! Super excited! Meeting with Heather and Bo on Friday to iron out details. Also on Friday, a biopsy at 830 in the morning. ugh. Busy week, not just Friday. Dialysis access center on Weds, take Lily shopping tomorrow, Dr Glinka appointment Thurs, Tabby West's show on Sat night. Plus the usual dialysis and therapy sessions.

And we have 2 weeks to empty Chloe's storage unit at Belmont Extra Space. And 3 weeks to empty my mom's storage unit at 61st and Holladay Extra Space. 

Oh hell, I'm just rambling now. Trying to kill time before we have to go to the studio and finish one 3d print and start another. EVA (the 3d printer) is printing EDA's head. And it's taking forever. Ugh.

Ok, gonna go find something else to do... tra la la....

Made it to day 7...

 ...with only a couple of cheats here and there. I blame the patch. If I'd just gone cold turkey and not used the patch, the nicotine would be out of my system by now. BUT, I may have cheated a lot more. I guess I'll take what I've got. 

In other news, at the studio again. Chloe is doing some test prints to make sure the 3d printer is working properly before the final EDA print. I'm going to be working on some inventory, and Zara and Tim are both visiting.

Got my SS today; of course, it's going to be gone shortly, but I think I'm going to go get some Subway first lol. I think I will do that now...

Got my file cabinet after all

 Ok, it's more of a rolling file box, but it was only $10, and it gets the job done. Chloe also got a desk that has a contraption on it (I think originally used to hold a monitor) that she thinks will help with the build. I look forward to seeing it in action.

Well, today was day 1 of quitting smoking. I am not completely nicotine-free; I'm wearing a 14mg patch, and I did take a few drags of Chloe's cheat ciggy. I just don't know how to cope, I want to smoke so bad! And if I can't smoke, I want to sleep. Ugh. BUT. I did it before, I'll do it again, hopefully for the last time. I can't go through this again. Day 1. Here we go.

Well so much for a file cabinet.

 Phones got shut off, HRSN and flex funds are unwilling to help. I'm going to have to use company funds to get the phones back on, so no file cabinet. Grrr. 

I believe in this project, and I believe in Chloe. I do. I just wish there was some way to monetize NOW all the work we're putting in. Dalton is a huge help, but he's one man. We need multiple income streams. The gofundme is failing miserably. Looking forward to getting the Kickstarter launched, but thats over a month out. And we need video. But we are meeting with the videographer today, so traction will be achieved.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO GODDAMNED HARD???

Was SO looking forward to having a file cabinet today

 ...does that make me weird? Do I care? Anyway, City Liquidators Used Office Furniture was closed today, so we are going back tomorrow on the way to the studio. The organizer in me is screaming, but I'll get through it. 

Set a quit date. May 23rd. Hopefully, this time it sticks. I'm not looking forward to the process, though. Because while the physical craving goes away, the mental craving hangs on a lot longer. I need a change of headspace. I need to go camping!!!! Yeah, still not over it, ugh. 

It's 5, hopefully Chloe finishes up soon cuz I wanna go home. We are at the studio, she is working on EDA, and I'm mostly twiddling my thumbs since I don't have a filing cabinet yet to organize stuff.

I may continue this later at home.

A better day

 Today was a lot better than yesterday, even if it did start with the bathroom sink overflowing into the litter box. D'oh!

We met with Zara, made progress on the programming, met with Dalton and picked up more money, which I put in out business bank account, had therapy, Chloe got paid...all in all, a good day. And home in time to get a decent nights sleep before dialysis tomorrow. Hopefully the gummies kick in soon!

Chloe quit smoking, I'm super proud of her. Now I need to follow suit. I have my meeting with Dr. Glinka tomorrow to discuss my quit date. I have the patches, now I just need to find the will to quit. Ugh, my least favorite part. I've done it before dammit, for a whole YEAR. I can do it again. And I need to if I'm ever going to get on that kidney transplant list. Of course, I also still need to lose about 60-75 pounds. Mounjaro works, just not as well as I had hoped. Going up and down the stairs at the studio helps, but not as much as I had hoped. Changing my diet helped, but...well you know the rest.

Ok, time to play some Farmville2 and go to bed.

A day for perspective

 And I'm still upset about it. I REALLY wanted to go camping. Although I am finally undertanding the phrase "Pay a lot of money to live like you're homeless": Campsites at Milo are $53 A NIGHT. The yurt and cabin on the coast are as much as a hotel room. Damn. I mean if a bunch of people are splittong it its not that huge a deal, but if Chloe and I went by ourselves? We couldn't do it. Not on our current income anyway. It sucks. 

I always thought I'd have more time to save for retirement. Here I am, retired, and I'm still barely scraping by. Ok, so I got kidney disease, that didn't help. If I hadn't, I'd still be working. I need to start thinking about how to take care of myself when I can't anymore. :(  No. Maybe not yet. Kinda don't want to think about it right now.

Had a rough night and day. Overslept, was late to dialysis. Karaoke was great at first then died at like 10pm. Still made $158, which made up for it. Didn't go to sleep until about 1:30, was supposed to get up at 445, worke up at 615. Then I had to rush home from dialysis and take Chloe to the clinic before they closed, wound up bleeding all over. After the clinic, took Chloe to the studio, and she was very understanding about me having a "red" day and sent me home to nap. Red as in our daily gauge, not red as in blood, lol. Now I've napped, I have a Pride volunteer meeting at 6, then head down to the studio. Sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe.

Ok, I have an hour to kill, maybe I should eat something.

I'm literally on the verge of tears.

 Tabby and crew (Eve and Danny) cancelled the camping trip. FUCK, I was really looking forward to it. But. Money. Ugh. If we can't swing it by ourselves, we shouldn't go. I wish we could stoke up my firepit at the apartment. BIG no no. I just want a freaking campfire dammit. I will find a way to make this trip happen, even without them. Grr.

Introduction

 In case you're new here and don't want to go back to the beginning (16 years ago now!) Here's what AI wrote for my "About Me" section (and I agree with every word!):

About Me

Hi, I’m Kate.

I’m a karaoke host, creator, community builder, and co-founder of Twin Star Robotics, where my bestie Chloe and I are building EDA-01 — a real-world AI-assisted robotics platform designed to help people in practical everyday situations.

My life has always existed somewhere between creativity, technology, music, and survival. I’m deeply drawn to science fiction, robotics, art, atmosphere, storytelling, and the idea that ordinary people can still build extraordinary things even without huge budgets or corporate backing.

By day-to-day reality, my world tends to involve some combination of:

• robotics and fabrication

• karaoke and nightlife

• creative projects

• workshop chaos

• campfires and coffee

• trying to build a sustainable life while navigating chronic health challenges

This blog is a place for all of it.

Some posts may be about building robots in a small workshop. Others might be about music, creativity, camping, technology, life in Portland, or simply trying to remain hopeful and human in a complicated world.

I’m not interested in pretending life is perfectly polished. I care more about honesty, resilience, curiosity, humor, and the messy process of learning as you go.

If you’ve ever felt caught somewhere between dreamer and realist, exhausted and inspired, creative and practical — you’ll probably feel at home here.

Welcome to The Long Journey.

Camping

 So no camping memorial day weekend, everything is booked. So we're going to wait a month. There is one spot available at Milo McIver the weekend of June 20th, so that may work out. Near water, RV spot that allows tents so there's electric, and its not that far out of town. Fingers crossed. Waiting on Tabby to get back to me with their car info so I can book it, hopefully someone else doesn't swoop it in the meantime.

Now we just need to figure out MONEY. Chloe has a paycheck coming that I know she will want to spend on Twin Star, but we have BILLS. We need to survive while building our future. 

As far as money for Twin Star, we can't keep relying on Dalton. He's put in $1500 so far. He was supposed to be working on finding other investors though. We need a website. We need content for said website. Working on that, Chloe found us a videographer willing to work for equity. Chatgpt warned that we need to word the contract carefully because it could be a great idea or a really bad one depending on the contract.

We are out of food stamps and its only the 17th, ugh. I've had to use my moms credit card for groceries and gas already, I don't want to have to use it again, but we need more groceries. She left me her debit card too but idk how much is on it. I could call and ask I guess. 

I wanna get to the studio and get to work, but Chloe is still dealing with her morning tummy pain. And a pounding headache. She just took he migraine meds though, so hopeully she will be ready to go soon.

That's all my updates for now. Can't wait to be sitting around a campfire!!

Progress

 Chloe printed the first real piece of EDA without any screwups! Woot! Progress! Now we just need to find someone with a bigger print bed 3d printer for the larger parts, otherwise Chloe will have to break them down smaller, which means redesigning. Boo.

Thursday bonus karaoke was dead, I didn't break $100, but I did make $67, which I wouldn't otherwise have had if I didn't do Thursday night, so it's something. Hopefully, Monday will be packed again.

Short update this time, I have to take Chloe to her AV gig and go do laundry.

Ta for now!