I'm trying not to care so much

He said he missed me. But he hasn't said he loves me in so long. I can feel the the walls around my heart starting to go up, but I don't want them to. I'm starting to believe I'll be alone forever.

I really thought... I guess it doesn't matter. What is meant to be, will be. I thought he'd at least make an effort to let me know he still wants us. 

My heart breaks every day that I don't hear from him.

It hurts so much. It hurts to think I wasn't worth it. That I'm not enough to fight for. 

I haven't given up. But I get closer, every day of silence.

Chloe thinks I'm an idiot

I think she's more mad about Mark's radio silence than I am. She thinks I should write him off and move on. But I'm not ready to do that yet. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. But the more time that goes by without communication, the more I wonder if I'm just being played. It hurts so much. I don't know what to do at this point.

Heartbreak

Getting through each day without hearing from him is so hard. I want to cry all the time. My heart feels like lead, sitting in the pit of my stomach. I'm trying. I really am. I just keep trying to figure out what i did wrong. I mean, yeah, he could have cut off all communication because he is paranoid that even talking to me would jeopardize his custody case. But if that's true, why can't he at least have one last conversation with me to tell me that? Not last, last. Just last until he's won. Then we can start again. I'm really hoping that's all it is. The morbid side of my brain wonders if this was all a huge revenge plot because of what happened 27 years ago... but he's not that guy anymore. At least, I don't believe he is. 

This is so hard. I'm not giving up. But damn it hurts.

Heartbroken

Well that was rather short-lived. I thought I'd finally found my soulmate. And then he ghosted me. Just like Shane did. I am so frustrated. I no longer trust my instincts. I no longer trust my heart. I am so just, DONE. I cry myself to sleep. Not because he has other shit to deal with right now, I can accept that. But TOTAL LACK OF COMMUNICATION? Complete radio silence? So disrespectful! I can't. It hurts. I stupidly hold out hope. Hope that my gut was right about him being the one. Hope that we will get through this. But it hurts.