Heartbreak

Getting through each day without hearing from him is so hard. I want to cry all the time. My heart feels like lead, sitting in the pit of my stomach. I'm trying. I really am. I just keep trying to figure out what i did wrong. I mean, yeah, he could have cut off all communication because he is paranoid that even talking to me would jeopardize his custody case. But if that's true, why can't he at least have one last conversation with me to tell me that? Not last, last. Just last until he's won. Then we can start again. I'm really hoping that's all it is. The morbid side of my brain wonders if this was all a huge revenge plot because of what happened 27 years ago... but he's not that guy anymore. At least, I don't believe he is. 

This is so hard. I'm not giving up. But damn it hurts.