...well, let's face it, Annie was a huge pain in my ass for a lot of her life. As a child, she wanted my attention way too much. I was in my teens, my early twenties, and Annie was just...too much. Hyperactive, annoying as hell...always right, never wrong...I am SO grateful that for the last couple of years, we were actually friends. Annie was an amazing human. She cared so much for others. She was the most giving, most phenomenal woman I have ever known. And she was strong. Our mom raised us to be strong women, and I feel Annie excelled at that.
I will miss her until we are together again.
I can't believe she's gone.
I have no more words.
Grief is heavy, like a weight on your chest. I feel like I am suffocating. I look ok on the outside, but I'm screaming and pounding on the walls of my mind. Not fair. Too young. Not real. Surreal.
Grief comes in waves. One minute you're fine, going about your business when suddenly you see or hear something that reminds you of them, and grief crashes over you.
My sister died May 7, 2022, of a major heart attack. I'm still processing. She knew it might happen. I guess I did too. But you always think you have more time, and then too suddenly, time runs out.
My brother Colen has the same heart condition. Genetic. So I'm going to have my heart checked out too. My mother should not outlive her children.
My youngest brother Noah just got engaged to an amazing, wonderful woman. A bright spot in the darkness. I am happy for him.
And I have reconnected with the man I realize now was the true love of my life. He has been amazing and supportive through everything.
And life must carry on. I need to figure out a way to honor my sister. She was an amazing woman. I will always miss and love her. But I must figure out how to get through this.
Grief is a part of life. But a really unfair part.
Except, I really need to blog more.
Today's topic is qualities I desire in a future partner, more specifically, a future road trip partner. A mechanic is a good place to start because I am lost when it comes to that. And they have to be someone I am happy to spend day in and day out within a small space. If they are already working remotely, that is a huge plus, but at least the ability to. I do not want to be the only source of income. Patient, supportive, understanding, tolerant. Someone who I can work with as a team, a partner in the truest sense. Aesthetically pleasing will get you in the door, but intelligence and compassion keep you from getting booted out. A great sense of humor helps too. I love to laugh. :)
Someone who adores me, flaws and all, is a must of course, which is in no way a one-way street. Someone who has flaws I can tolerate is necessary as well. I cannot tolerate racism, bigotry, extremist religious ideas, or extreme conservatism. I am the progressive left, after all. I cannot tolerate extreme poor hygiene, extreme slobbishness, or out-of-control addictions.
Someone who can respect my friendship with my best friend, and will never demand that I choose between them. Someone who seeks solutions to problems rather than making demands, or walking away when things are rough.
Wickedly funny and a little weird are bonuses. They have to be simpatico with MY weirdness and humor. Someone who doesn't hate musicals or sci-fi or fantasy.
I may update this over time, but this will suffice for now.
