Whoa.

Just read back through a lot of my old Livejournal posts. ( https://foolishgirl5239.livejournal.com )
I used to write quite a bit. (although you can't see the posts unless I accept your friend request, I think)

What really got me though were the posts about Shane from Seattle. Shane died the day before my birthday this year. I haven't really talked about it much, I haven't journaled about it at all. We still weren't speaking at the time. His mom Cynthia messaged me to tell me, in the evening of Feb 12th. I was at work. I lost it. She added me as a friend on Facebook shortly after. She said, "He never had another girlfriend after you, so I thought you would want to know." I guess I always thought that Shane and I would find each other again someday. Now there is no more someday. He died of a heart attack. His aorta dissected. He was such a brilliant mind, I think my sadness is as much for the brilliant mind that the world lost as it is for my own loss. I had to call and tell KC. They were best friends, for awhile, after all. I felt he needed to know. It was a difficult conversation. I haven't heard from him since. Maybe I should call and check up on him. Shane was cremated, his ashes dispersed amongst his family members. I wish we had at least been speaking again before he died. But I had a dream of him shortly after, in the dream he was off to the side of my vision, slowly shaking his head. Then he looked at me and his eyes shown with love. I wish I could remember more. But I feel like he forgave me for our unfriendly ending. I hope that's true. Chloe had a dream a few days later that Shane was terrorizing her. Not sure what to make of that. 

This whole RV plan.. I think Shane would have been totally down to go. Now, I forge ahead alone.