Thursday, October 21, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Road block
Well, it looks like I can't escape the expense and jumping through hoops of getting my Oregon drivers license back. It turns out Washington DMV computers do talk to Oregon ones, after all. At least in Vancouver. They didn't seem to in Seattle.
So what do I have to do? Pay off a speeding ticket in Multnomah county, which turns out only has $6.90 remaining. Cool, I'll do that Monday, np. But it only gets worse. I have to pay over $250 to the city of Sandy for not slowing down for an obscured speed limit sign because I couldn't get up there for court to fight it. Then I have to file an SR-22. No problem, if I had a car. But they want ALMOST as much money for a "non-owner" insurance policy as they would if they were insuring a car. $550 for a 6 month premium, $120 minimum down payment. SO, might as well wait to get my license back until I actually have a car to insure. Then after that, a $75 reinstatement fee. So $450.80 (and $92.70 a month after that for the insurance-which I HAVE to have for at least a year or my license gets suspended again, actually a little more than that if I'm getting a car to insure first) AND whatever it will cost to buy a car before I can be a legal driver again. FML. So much for the idea of getting a car first, then moving out of my sister's garage.
I hate not driving. I feel like less of a person. I know that's stupid. Doesn't make it less true. But it's my own damn fault.
I prayed for a car, promising the universe that I wouldn't let it keep me from walking a lot and getting exercise. I tried to keep my promise when I got my Honda. At least at first. Ultimately I failed, and bye bye car, cosmically, and literally, speaking.
It's like when I quit smoking for 4 months. I prepared myself for a month, saying goodbye to tobacco with each cigarette. Prayed that it wouldn't be awful. Prayed I could do it. Just let this be easy, and I'm done forever. When quit day came, I almost didn't even WANT that last cigarette. And after that? Not bad. Jolly Rancher watermelon candies were very helpful the first week or two, but I didn't even need them after that. 4 MONTHS without a cigarette. Then I lost my job. Picked up a cig, and gave up because of it. The next time I tried to quit, the following year, it was horrible. I couldn't even make it through a day. I tried for a week before I gave up again completely. I joked that the universe took away my "get out of smoking free" card because I screwed up. Lesson? Don't make promises to the cosmos that you can't keep.
Real moral? Learn to forgive yourself if you screw up. Don't let it stop you from succeeding. Now if I could just follow my own advice.
So what do I have to do? Pay off a speeding ticket in Multnomah county, which turns out only has $6.90 remaining. Cool, I'll do that Monday, np. But it only gets worse. I have to pay over $250 to the city of Sandy for not slowing down for an obscured speed limit sign because I couldn't get up there for court to fight it. Then I have to file an SR-22. No problem, if I had a car. But they want ALMOST as much money for a "non-owner" insurance policy as they would if they were insuring a car. $550 for a 6 month premium, $120 minimum down payment. SO, might as well wait to get my license back until I actually have a car to insure. Then after that, a $75 reinstatement fee. So $450.80 (and $92.70 a month after that for the insurance-which I HAVE to have for at least a year or my license gets suspended again, actually a little more than that if I'm getting a car to insure first) AND whatever it will cost to buy a car before I can be a legal driver again. FML. So much for the idea of getting a car first, then moving out of my sister's garage.
I hate not driving. I feel like less of a person. I know that's stupid. Doesn't make it less true. But it's my own damn fault.
I prayed for a car, promising the universe that I wouldn't let it keep me from walking a lot and getting exercise. I tried to keep my promise when I got my Honda. At least at first. Ultimately I failed, and bye bye car, cosmically, and literally, speaking.
It's like when I quit smoking for 4 months. I prepared myself for a month, saying goodbye to tobacco with each cigarette. Prayed that it wouldn't be awful. Prayed I could do it. Just let this be easy, and I'm done forever. When quit day came, I almost didn't even WANT that last cigarette. And after that? Not bad. Jolly Rancher watermelon candies were very helpful the first week or two, but I didn't even need them after that. 4 MONTHS without a cigarette. Then I lost my job. Picked up a cig, and gave up because of it. The next time I tried to quit, the following year, it was horrible. I couldn't even make it through a day. I tried for a week before I gave up again completely. I joked that the universe took away my "get out of smoking free" card because I screwed up. Lesson? Don't make promises to the cosmos that you can't keep.
Real moral? Learn to forgive yourself if you screw up. Don't let it stop you from succeeding. Now if I could just follow my own advice.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Greeblings and salivations
So on impulse, I named my blog The Long Journey Back. Back to what? Stability? Radio? A life that isn't somewhere between dogshit and pond muck? To me? Sure, those all work for now.
I left Portland in 2008, in search of a better life. I thought it might lie in the Seattle area. It didn't, and I came back home. When I left Portland, I left radio, because as much as I loved KPSU, 3 hours one way was a pretty long commute. I'm not quite ready to come back to radio yet, but hope to be soon. Right now its about getting my life back on track, a life that got derailed when (it took me a little while to figure out exactly when) I left the stability of a long term job (that I hated) and a marriage (that I was unhappy in). I delved in to self indulgence for a little while, fell for a guy I shouldn't have and dealt with the consequences of that action, well, ok, a lot of it was that. I worked temp jobs, but found another permanent position elusive, especially with the downturn in the economy. All the while, searching for what I had once had: stability. Having to choose between stability and happiness sucks. But in retrospect, I don't know that I would make any different choices than the ones that led to the derailment of my life. The job was making me miserable, and so was the marriage. It feels weird to say that now, since my ex-husband and I have reconciled to the point that we are actually good friends. And since I actually did try to go get my old job back (there were no openings at the time). I realize now that that was just desperation on my part...going back to that job would surely make me miserable again.
So where am I now? Living in my sister's garage, car-less, single, with two kitties that need a vet visit. But things are looking up at last. I got a job, and so far, it seems I am doing quite well. I will not allow myself to be lulled into a false sense of security however, after everything I've been through. I will relax a little once I've been there are least a month.
So whats the plan? Get a job, check. Get a car. Get an apartment or house with my mom as my roommate (she's pretty cool :) ). Get a new show at KPSU. Get my kitties to the vet. Maybe someday I'll consider dating again. But I'm not thinking *that* far ahead. Right now it's time to take care of me.
The Journey is long, but not impossible. It's just about taking one step at a time so I don't trip over my own feet.
I left Portland in 2008, in search of a better life. I thought it might lie in the Seattle area. It didn't, and I came back home. When I left Portland, I left radio, because as much as I loved KPSU, 3 hours one way was a pretty long commute. I'm not quite ready to come back to radio yet, but hope to be soon. Right now its about getting my life back on track, a life that got derailed when (it took me a little while to figure out exactly when) I left the stability of a long term job (that I hated) and a marriage (that I was unhappy in). I delved in to self indulgence for a little while, fell for a guy I shouldn't have and dealt with the consequences of that action, well, ok, a lot of it was that. I worked temp jobs, but found another permanent position elusive, especially with the downturn in the economy. All the while, searching for what I had once had: stability. Having to choose between stability and happiness sucks. But in retrospect, I don't know that I would make any different choices than the ones that led to the derailment of my life. The job was making me miserable, and so was the marriage. It feels weird to say that now, since my ex-husband and I have reconciled to the point that we are actually good friends. And since I actually did try to go get my old job back (there were no openings at the time). I realize now that that was just desperation on my part...going back to that job would surely make me miserable again.
So where am I now? Living in my sister's garage, car-less, single, with two kitties that need a vet visit. But things are looking up at last. I got a job, and so far, it seems I am doing quite well. I will not allow myself to be lulled into a false sense of security however, after everything I've been through. I will relax a little once I've been there are least a month.
So whats the plan? Get a job, check. Get a car. Get an apartment or house with my mom as my roommate (she's pretty cool :) ). Get a new show at KPSU. Get my kitties to the vet. Maybe someday I'll consider dating again. But I'm not thinking *that* far ahead. Right now it's time to take care of me.
The Journey is long, but not impossible. It's just about taking one step at a time so I don't trip over my own feet.
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