So on impulse, I named my blog The Long Journey Back. Back to what? Stability? Radio? A life that isn't somewhere between dogshit and pond muck? To me? Sure, those all work for now.
I left Portland in 2008, in search of a better life. I thought it might lie in the Seattle area. It didn't, and I came back home. When I left Portland, I left radio, because as much as I loved KPSU, 3 hours one way was a pretty long commute. I'm not quite ready to come back to radio yet, but hope to be soon. Right now its about getting my life back on track, a life that got derailed when (it took me a little while to figure out exactly when) I left the stability of a long term job (that I hated) and a marriage (that I was unhappy in). I delved in to self indulgence for a little while, fell for a guy I shouldn't have and dealt with the consequences of that action, well, ok, a lot of it was that. I worked temp jobs, but found another permanent position elusive, especially with the downturn in the economy. All the while, searching for what I had once had: stability. Having to choose between stability and happiness sucks. But in retrospect, I don't know that I would make any different choices than the ones that led to the derailment of my life. The job was making me miserable, and so was the marriage. It feels weird to say that now, since my ex-husband and I have reconciled to the point that we are actually good friends. And since I actually did try to go get my old job back (there were no openings at the time). I realize now that that was just desperation on my part...going back to that job would surely make me miserable again.
So where am I now? Living in my sister's garage, car-less, single, with two kitties that need a vet visit. But things are looking up at last. I got a job, and so far, it seems I am doing quite well. I will not allow myself to be lulled into a false sense of security however, after everything I've been through. I will relax a little once I've been there are least a month.
So whats the plan? Get a job, check. Get a car. Get an apartment or house with my mom as my roommate (she's pretty cool :) ). Get a new show at KPSU. Get my kitties to the vet. Maybe someday I'll consider dating again. But I'm not thinking *that* far ahead. Right now it's time to take care of me.
The Journey is long, but not impossible. It's just about taking one step at a time so I don't trip over my own feet.
