I am fail.

I completely failed at doing a SINGLE thing on my to-do list today. I feel like such a failure. I moved it all over to Sunday, thankfully my Sunday was fairly light. Wait I did one thing... I made a roast for dinner. So that's one thing at least. And now I have the damn hiccups. Ugh.
I also finished binging AJ and the Queen on Netflix.. which was like "WAIT WHAT!! NO, NEED MORE!!" The ending just seemed too abrupt. Loved it, of course, it was wonderfully cast and while the dialogue was cheesy at times, it was a sweet story. There better be a second season!
AUGH FUCKING HICCUPS.

So in other news, I failed to mention previously that when I went to the docs, I was weighed...and I was 261. I've gained 40 fucking pounds since the big weight loss and I'm fucking pissed. I put it all on since I've been unemployed. SO...Chloe and I have been talking about spending time at the PCC Cascade gym. And I actually want to do it. I just can't get a job where I'm on my feet all the time because of the bone spur in my heel but I need to be active so I shed these pounds again.. fucking catch 22. I mean seriously, at Freddy's, at Spirit, I would literally LIMP home from work, I was in so much fucking pain. I don't want to go through that again.

OMG these fucking hiccups. Ok, I'm going to go kill them then go to bed. I got shit to do, gotta play catch up. Ugh.

Someday soon I will get better at updating...

So my Spirit bonus ($1049) went to rent and Xmas instead of a car :( So still no car, and it is really really depressing. Speaking of depression...I had a doc appointment yesterday and Dr. Urbanc suggested putting me back on Effexor. I liked the results, but I hated going off it when I lost insurance and couldn't afford it anymore. But I tried to wean myself off, so therein was the issue, I guess. She made me promise if I had to go off it again, I would do so under her guidance, even if it was just by email to save money. So giving it another shot. Hoping it will make me more motivated. If I'm not depressed, I tend to be more motivated, so I think it will work.
In other news, I turn 50 in 1 month and 4 days and have NO PLANS yet! WTF! Some ideas were tossed around last year... Jacob said a cruise (can't afford), I thought maybe a reserved table at Barrel Room (Chloe thinks that's lame), I have no other ideas at this point.
I made a bunch of food on New Years and it was mostly just me and Chloe, with Gabi stopping by for about an hour and a half. I need more friends. Hard to do when you live with someone who almost NEVER wants people to come over, and going out usually requires money and transportation. John and Gabi came over a few days later and helped polish off the rest of the food (and booze)..with roomie's permission! Well, she was at her friend's house for most of it.
So I've started making to-do lists for each day in the hopes that it will get me more motivated. Setting goals for the day and listing things I have to do. My today list is almost all crossed off, I just have to haul my butt up to Freddy's to get my prescriptions and get some necessities before the snowstorm due next week. I think I'm going to add "journal entry" on the to-do list for at least every other day for now and maybe go up from there once I am comfortable writing all the time again.
I need to if I'm ever going to make a living at it. I used to be a good writer. What happened? Years of being out of the habit, I suppose. So. Fix that. Stat.
Ok! And I need to get off my ass and get to Freddy's so I can get my Effexor! Bye for now!