Corona Virus and the end of the world...

I keep meaning to write. Really. I have all these thoughts and I'm just like, damn, I should write that down...and then by the time I get back to my computer I forgot again...
Fucking surreal times we are living in. I started a new job... assistant manager at Party City.. only to be laid off on my second day due to coronavirus. "Not a good time to be training new management". Yes, I agree. But how am I supposed to survive until it is? Thankfully, I still have available unemployment until April 10th, unless they extend it, which I have heard from a few sources that they have. Moratorium on evictions. Awesome, but I will still owe that money, which will keep piling up...no sign of the landlord so far. But we were behind BEFORE this all started, I am not sure how far his previous kindness will extend....
But I have heard first-hand accounts from people who have caught the virus...and I.. REALLY don't want that. They describe not being able to breathe... great, that's one of my panic attack triggers, awesome..ugh...Yeah, self-isolating as much as humanly possible. Torn between "yeah it's not that bad" and "holy fuck if I get this I'm gonna die!" Dear Jesus, I am sorry for ever wishing for something to happen that would make people wake the fuck up, I didn't realize doing so would put me in a life or death situation. I survived cancer. Technically, because I have high blood pressure, diabetes, and am a smoker, I am in the high-risk category. BUT, prior to that, I had a badass immune system. I am hoping that my immune system is still badass despite the risks. But I am protecting myself just in case.
Anyway, this is my first quarantine update. Hopefully, more to come. Governor Brown is expected to issue a stay at home order in the morning because too many dumbasses treated this as a vacation and ignored recommendations to stay home. I don't want to get this. I worry about my 70-year-old mom and her husband that still has to work. I worry about my type 1 diabetic nieces and my sister that is still recovering from surgery. And both of my brothers who are in the west coast hotbed, Seattle metro area. And my best friend who has to go into a clinic way more often than she should have to with her health issues. I hope we all come out of this ok.
But most of all, I pray that America wakes up and realizes what we need now is a President Bernie Sanders. He is the only one doing anything while corporate shills are more worried about the bottom line.
More to come. I hope.

Ruminations on turning 50...

My first thought... I'm probably over halfway through my life span and what have I accomplished? The depression is strong in this one. To be fair, the depression started well before my birthday. Not working is a factor. But taking a job just for the sake of having a job doesn't cut it, either. I need a job that I won't hate. But does one exist? Working for Tim had its moments, but overall I enjoyed it. Same with TriSmart. No more retail. My body can't take it. And the thought of walking to work makes my feet cringe. Stupid bone spur and plantar fasciitis. I miss having a car. And not working, and walking, is making me gain weight again. Hopefully, I will hear from my podiatrist soon about the custom shoe inserts. I'll feel a bit better about being on my feet if I am treating the problem.