DAY ONE.

 So I have not had ANY nicotine today. That is not to say that I haven't smoked, lol. I found these honey mint herbal cigarettes on Amazon, and it's like quitting smoking without actually quitting... but no nicotine, so no problem lol. Basically, I plan to use the herbal cigs to get through the nicotine cravings, then once the nicotine is all out of my system, then I'll quit the herbal ones too, which should be easy without the nicotine addiction part. We will see how it goes. They're actually cheaper than my regular cigs too. $14.98 for 2 packs. My Marbs were like $18 for 2 packs. And next-day delivery, too! :) So as long as I do not have any nicotine for 30 days, I should be able to be scheduled for my back surgery. So after Sept. 19th. 

Of course, nicotine isn't the only issue to consider. The apartment situation. I need to have a safe space to recuperate after surgery. The money situation. How can I afford to take time off work? Ugh. How did Annie do it? A boyfriend who took care of her, and worked and paid bills. Plus 2 kids, so a good amount of food stamps. Chloe can't take care of me, she has her own health issues to deal with. I mean, she would do her best, I know. But I hate putting that on her.

Sometimes I regret not having children. Not often. But sometimes. Especially as I get older.

I need to go to bed. Onward to day 2 of no nicotine!

Good grief

 I really suck at this. Where to begin.

To touch on a few previously mentioned points...

Yes, I have the same heart condition Annie did, but to a much lesser degree. Something to keep an eye on. I have saw Dr. Ravi, who was Annie's heart doctor. He didn't seem super concerned, but we have planned check ins about every 6 months or so.

In addition, like Annie, I now need back surgery. And possibly neck, I have an MRI for that on Thursday. Apparently, my spine is trying to crush my sciatic nerve or something. And it wasn't my previous arm break that is making my left shoulder go numb from time to time, it's my neck. In the meantime, physical therapy. Which I suck at remembering to do when I'm not at the physical therapy office. And I'm on desk duty at work. Well, at least they haven't fired me. I don't think they can for that, right? On the plus side, handicap placard for parking. Genuinely needed though, as I can't walk very far without being in excruciating pain.

And then there's the kidney thing. Not quite sure what is going on there yet, just that I am excreting excessive amounts of protein. I have a follow up with the kidney doc on the 24th.

I have 2 teeth that need root canals and crowns, to the tune of almost $5000. Not covered by insurance. WHAT THE FUCK. Why won't they cover it? TEETH AND EYES ARE NOT LUXURY ITEMS YOU FUCKING WHORES. They would cover having them removed. But if they were removed, I would have no teeth to chew with. On the plus side, the dentist said other than those two teeth, everything else looked good. Small comfort.

We still need to purge the living room. The whole apartment, really. And exterminate.

On that note, new news: The landlord is selling our apartment building. What that means for us remains to be seen. It depends on what the new owners decide to do with the building. The Morris' real estate agent, Mick, is pretty cool though. Apparently, Mike (directly above me) and I are the only ones that have returned his calls. SO, possibilities. 1. They leave everything just as it is (unlikely, considering how cheap our rent is, they will probably 2. bring it more in line with the neighborhood, so jacking it up a few hundred dollars per month.). Or 3. they may decide to just tear it down and build something new. I'm hoping for #1 or #3. If they tear it down, they have to cut all the tenants checks to find new housing. Which... I'm not sure how that would work considering how far behind Chloe, and I are. On the books anyway, because if Tim had applied for that landlord pandemic assistance like he said he was going to (and that I did most of the legwork FOR HIM...), we wouldn't owe a fraction of what we do.

So, who knows, Chloe, Dory, Willow, and I may end up homeless. I really hope not though.

That's pretty much it. You're caught up on me. Health problems, money issues, housing issues. 

I did quit drinking though. So there's that. Now I just need to quit smoking for at least 30 days so I can have back surgery and not be in pain anymore. Wish me luck, I'll need it.